Wishbones and Backbones

The key note speaker at an early childhood leadership event was well-known for her dynamic presentations.  She stood before the crowd of over 300 women and men from around the country, most of whom were experienced administrators and leaders themselves.  We knew about leadership styles and management teams.  We practiced shared-decision-making and worked diligently on our communication skills.  What new message could Dr. Debra Ren-Etta Sullivan bring that we hadn’t heard before? Like many excellent speakers, she began her speech with a story. Throughout her childhood, whenever she was hesitant or fearful, she received this advice from her grandmother:

Never Grow a Wishbone where a Backbone should be¹

We laughed a little self-consciously as this short phrase struck home.  Dr. Sullivan went on to highlight the difference between wishing something would change and committing to that change. Her pithy message continued as she gave examples of how strong, ethical convictions lead to transformative action.  In twenty minutes, her speech was over, but her impact resonated for a long time.

In a follow-up article she added:

You can wish all you want, but sometimes you have to take a stand. Babies can take a stand and walk because they have a backbone. Personal change is about taking a stand, using your backbone, and deciding to take personal responsibility for the change you desire.¹

I’m not big on speech-making or exhorting others to make changes in their lives.  Many of us are already doing all we can to work towards equity and peace. Motivation and change come from within, but a little jump start of inspiration can’t hurt. Making a difference involves more than thinking about what I could do.  Today’s emphasis is on Contribution, and contribution involves sending inspiration from my wishbone to my backbone… and then on down to my legs and feet where I can move to action.  

Today’s tile is more craft than art.  It uses different textures and heart-shaped images that include a paper background and a heart cut from handmade paper. Small hearts from a child’s activity package cascade down the tile to symbolize a spine growing out of a heart. I created this unusual Valentine, which is just as timely today as when I made it. Rather than writing the sentimental and trite sayings often associated with that holiday, I included my own interpretation of Dr. Sullivan’s advice along with a powerful message from author James Baldwin.  The words are hard to read and harder still to act upon. Wishbones and hearts; backbones, legs and feet.  I have some growing to do and some steps to start taking- maybe you do too.

From a Heart Grows a Spine. From a Spine Grows Legs and Feet. Beth Hatcher, 2022

A civilization is not destroyed by wicked people. It is not necessary that people be wicked, but only that they be spineless- The Fire Next Time (1963) by author James Baldwin James Baldwin

Oh God, it is important to wish and dream for a better world.  From those wishes, may a strong spine of conviction support active legs and feet that carry help and hope into the world.  Amen.

1 Excerpt from Learning to Walk: Changing Yourself, Your Perspectives, and Your Assumptions.  Child Care Exchange Magazine, July/August 2011. Dr. Sullivan is the author of numerous books on early childhood leadership and diversity. According to Dr. Sullivan, the wishbone/backbone advice is originally attributed to pilot Clementine Paddleford in the 1920s.