Shining Through

A large shelf in the school library was full of dusty yellow boxes, their tops stamped with the once ubiquitous brand name Kodak. Hundreds of photographic slides were inside, a hodge-podge of carefully labeled photos of class parties, field trips, and school programs along with dozens of pictures of everyday classroom life.  Beside these narrow boxes were even larger ones of fully loaded “carousels” of slides from staff vacation trips, purchased sets that chronicled nature studies or panoramas of world geography– all evidence of a way of sharing pictures that once was cutting edge but now was cumbersome and outdated.  I was in charge of clearing out and reorganizing materials, and it was time to do something about this neglected visual history. I was tempted to toss the slides out, since I knew they would likely sit there gathering dust for another twenty years.   

Instead of finding a trash can, I went in search of a slide projector and found an old one in the back of an AV closet. I plugged it in and it started to hum, but it was missing an important part- the light bulb had disappeared.  After a call to a local camera shop, the specialized bulb was found, the projector was positioned towards a blank white wall, and the show could begin. 

With a flick of a switch, the bright light transformed shadowy slides of dully shaded shapes and unidentifiable locations into candid photos of children (now adults with children of their own) playing and working in the familiar hallways and classrooms that I went in and out of dozens of times a day. Another box revealed pictures of local parks or more scenic vistas of famous vacation spots.  The light shone through the transparent images and those shadowy shapes became crystal clear.  Picture after picture burst into view as if by magic, the small 2 X 2 slides enlarged in such a way that made them easily seen by all.  For an hour or so, I enjoyed my trip down memory lane before replacing the boxes on the shelf along with the now functional projector.  They didn’t take up that much room in the library, I reasoned.  Maybe someone would have the courage to toss them someday or the resources to convert them into a more modern and useful archival record. For now they could remain as they were- tiny slices of history in 2 inch squares.

I can’t even begin to understand the process of converting photographs into slides of transparent images that allow light to shine through them. Heck, I don’t even understand how my phone takes pictures, or a camera records video.  Instead of delving into the chemistry of photography or the physics of light, I focus (pun intended) instead of insights gleaned as I thought a little more about that tedious task that suddenly became delightful.

Transparency simply means that light is able to pass through something.  The quality of transparency is a popular one right now in many realms- politics, business, behavioral psychology, and spiritual development.  This kind of transparency usually means that someone or something is easily seen or understood.  Transparency is associated with openness in communication and honesty in interactions with others.  It means that there are few, if any, behind the scenes actions.  These are all good things to which we aspire. Achieving 100% transparency is difficult, perhaps not even desirable, even in our most intimate relationships.  Who among us do not edit our thoughts, or carefully choose what we share in a vulnerable or volatile relationship?  I know I’ve glided over upsetting medical news or embellished a few stories along with way, though honesty is my default setting. Those old slides were not 100% transparent either, else they would have been merely blank squares of film. For the details to appear, some degree of opacity also had to be present.  Lots of things, habits of reticence, desire to project images of strength, worry, or cloudy emotions can and do get in the way of my own transparency. Transparency is my relationship to God is another matter.  There I am fully known, and fully loved. This Godly transparency underlays my life and I rest in it. 

What made the deepest impression about this unexpected time warp, however, was the light of the projector. It must shine from behind the images in order for them to be transformed.  When the light is in back, and the images are transparent, the light shines through. It’s as simple as that.  There was plenty of light in that library. It was all around the boxes as I unpacked them, as I searched for the projector, and as I completed the set up and loaded the carousel of transparent slides. All of those efforts would have been useless for unlocking the mysteries of those greyish images without a strong light shining through. 

There are many references to light in popular articles about socially responsible transparency.  Often they refer to shining a spotlight down on something or someone. That kind of light may expose, and that’s a good thing but it does not guarantee transparency, which is another thing entirely. A spotlight will never truly shine through, no matter how transparent we may think our actions or our motivations may be. For that to happen, an underlying belief in the value of internal clarity and openness is needed.  There are dozens of references to Light in the scriptures as well, and I realize I’ve typically thought about that Light mainly as a spotlight shining down, illuminating, revealing, exposing areas that need attention, rather than a shining through Light that originates in the nature of God increasingly revealed as I gain spiritual transparency.  When Jesus described himself as the Light of the World, it likely had more than one meaning– as a beacon that shines and illuminates, but also as a shining through light, providing the Light that can work through us when we are transparent in our faith.  I will never be 100% transparent, open and self-disclosing in my daily life, nor in my own part of the faith relationship, no one is, but even the shadowy parts can become beautiful pictures when Light shines through.

Kodak doesn’t make those projectors any more, but you can still find them, along with those specialized bulbs in vintage camera shops. Finding a way to convert photos into slides is quite difficult. I’m not a photography buff, so I won’t be spending time looking for the elements of an old-timey slide show, nor subjecting my family and friends to a prolonged display of my “priceless” photographs.  I will instead spend more time exploring ideas about Light and transparency, and the difficult but necessary process of developing a Shining-Through life.  I’m tempted to shelve this task, as I’ve got a lot to learn, but there’s another thing about the Light of that old projector and the Light of faith- it also enlarges what it touches, expanding a small image into one that can be seen by others. Hmmm. The more I see, the more I need to see.

For God, who said, Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.  2 Cor 4

The words Display genuine transparency to all whom you encounter and the underlying painting are partially obscured by the netting that covers the entire tile.  That netting is nothing special- it’s the green plastic covering from a bunch of avocadoes from my local grocery store.  That’s the irony of transparency.  It’s easy to write about and a noble goal to strive for —but commonplace, everyday barriers can get in the way. What this tile needs is some way for the light to shine through.

In the kingdom of glass, everything is transparent, and there is no place to hide a dark heart.

–Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration